Doing Indie Auto’s been fun, but it’s not making me rich. So when I heard that hotcars.com was hiring freelancers, I thought: Here’s my ticket!
Thank you, Automotive Books and Periodicals, for posting their “We’re Hiring” ad. I almost didn’t see it amidst the talk about Bugattis, Ferraris and other suave and dashing stuff.
Here’s the skinny: hotcars.com is looking for a number of freelancers, including one who will “write features about the latest happenings in the automotive world, as well as provide insight and fresh takes on the classic cars and trucks we all know and love.”
The job description makes clear that they want only the very best. Truth be told, this makes me a little nervous. For example, applicants must have “excellent research skills — we do not accept plagiarism of any kind.” That’s too bad because there’s a lot of great writing out there.
But no matter — this is strictly business! I really want this position so I carefully studied Hotcars‘ content, paying particular attention to stories about classics. Then I tried really hard to write an article that aligned with their distinctive editorial voice. Could you please read my draft below and tell me if there is anything I can make better? Thankx!
What I Think About The 1965 Lincoln Continental
The 1965 Lincoln Continental convertible is supposed to be a classic, but it is missing something. Mag wheels and fat tires would help. So would a red stripe that stretches from the hood to the trunk lid’s bottom. Then it would at least look like a Hot! Rod! Lincoln!
Can you hear the music playing in your ears? Okay, if you’ve got the top down, the Continental’s standard radio won’t be loud enough. Gotta get a system! Only problem is that it won’t fit in the trunk because it is already taken up by the hidden convertible top (yeah, and the dead bodies). So gotta put the speaker boxes in the back seat. That kinda messes with my night moves.
So maybe I should just view this car as a boomer classic rather than a daily driver. The kind of thing you take pictures of at shows while waxing nostalgic about Mr. Ed. (By the way, did you know that Richard Nixon was the real voice for TV’s most famous talking horse?)
I don’t get why the old geezers call this the “Kennedy Continental.” Or the last of the great American luxury barges. I read in some book (by Pat Bonsai, I think) that the only reason the Continental exists is because Ford exec Robert McNamara had a cow. He saw an early design proposal that looked even more like the Battleship Galactica than the previous model. McNamara got so mad that he grabbed a box of Kleenex from a nearby shelf, slammed it down on the table, and said: “Give me a car that looks like this!”
That they did. The Continental’s sides are so flat that they could be used on a refrigerator. And that grille looks like it was partially steamrollered before the cops showed up.
I admit that the suicide doors are cool, but in a morbid way. It’s too bad President Kennedy died after a door “accidentally” opened and he fell out. But otherwise the Continental doesn’t do much for me. The leather seats aren’t even that special. I can frap a louder fart in a Camry.
The biggest problem? The Continental is one slow dog. Sure, it has a 500 cubic-inch V8. But did you know that engine was originally designed as a boat anchor? Ford requisitioned it after running out of money on the Edsel. And did you know that the Lincoln’s body was fed extra corn so no one would mistake it for one of those girly European cars?
If I had my way, the Continental shown in the pictures would get an electric engine just like Neil Young’s. I would park the car in the driveway well away from any structures . . . and wait until it explodes!
That would be cool.
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